When the Alfa Romeo Car Club announced our weekend tour through Victoria’s picturesque countryside, the email mentioned “scenic drives,” “beautiful roads,” and “automotive appreciation.” What they should have said was “moving pub crawl” and “mobile wine tasting.” But hey, who’s complaining?
Friday: The “Gentle Start”
Our journey began at Fowles Winery on the Hume Highway in Avenel. One glass of Pinot Gris later, I was convinced my Alfa’s handling had somehow improved. Funny how that works.
By the time we reached the Nicholas Hotel in Beechworth, two schooners of draught had me explaining to fellow club members how I once “almost bought” a vintage GTV. The brewery stop that followed (another two schooners) had me promising to help restore someone’s Spider next month. Note to self: learn what a “Spider” is before next month.
The evening concluded with 2-3 glasses of red and a nightcap at the hotel featuring several shots of Jameson whisky. I’m told my passionate speech about Italian engineering superiority was “moving” and “mostly coherent.”
Saturday: “Recovery Drive”
Morning greeted me at the Beechworth Inn Motel with what can only be described as a symphony orchestra rehearsing in my head. Thank goodness for Berocca and Aspro Clear spritz – the official breakfast of champions and people who made poor choices the night before.
Our “enthusiastic driving” to Tallangatta consisted mainly of me wearing sunglasses inside my car, wincing at every bump, and clutching a flat white coffee like it contained the elixir of life.
Dartmouth Dam provided a scenic backdrop for club photos. I’m in the back, the one with sunglasses and the thousand-yard stare, contemplating if Alfa Romeo ever made a car with a built-in espresso machine and paracetamol dispenser.
Lunch at Mitta Mitta Hotel saw me bravely ordering a Coke while everyone discussed compression ratios. I nodded knowingly while focusing intensely on not making any sudden head movements.
By the Stanley Hotel stop, I had graduated to bitters with lime and lemon – practically a health tonic! The Nicholas Hotel welcomed us back for dinner, where I rediscovered my enthusiasm for red wine (2-3 glasses worth of enthusiasm, to be precise).
The evening’s highlight was the Provenance Speakeasy, where I sampled a Brooklyn cocktail featuring rye, Beechworth bitters, dry vermouth, and maraschino. This was followed by Amora on ice – level 6 out of 11 on their intensity scale. I’m told I spent twenty minutes afterward explaining to a potted plant how Alfa Romeo should really consider bringing back pop-up headlights.
Sunday: “Technical Driving Day”
Sunday’s itinerary listed “technical driving through winding roads.” In reality, this translated to winding our way through Milawa’s finest establishments.
At Whitford and Delattitle Winery, I conducted serious “suspension testing” by standing very still while sampling 2-3 glasses of Pinot Gris. My tasting notes included such insights as “yep, that’s definitely wine” and “this one’s also wet.”
Dinner at Mansfield Hotel (one schooner of draught) was followed by Thai food accompanied by two glasses of Chardonnay and one glass of red. By this point, I was explaining to anyone who would listen how the Thai restaurant’s layout reminded me of an Alfa Romeo engine bay – “beautifully arranged but ultimately mysterious.”
The day concluded at Mansfield Hotel with two Jameson’s on ice, during which I apparently volunteered to host next year’s club Christmas party. If anyone from the club is reading this – I was clearly under the influence of “driving enthusiasm.”
Monday: “The Return Journey”
Monday’s drive home via Healesville and Woori Yallock was notably quiet. Some might attribute this to the serene countryside, but those in the know recognized it as the sound of twenty Alfa Romeo enthusiasts silently promising their livers a month of detox.
As we parted ways, we all agreed it had been an exceptional weekend of “car appreciation.” Strangely, I can recall every pub and winery in vivid detail, but couldn’t tell you what color half the cars were.
Here’s to the Alfa Romeo Club – where the cars are Italian, but the drinking stamina is decidedly Australian.
Disclaimer: No Alfas were driven under the influence during this tour. Our designated drivers ensured everyone returned safely, if slightly heavier and with significantly lighter wallets.